LIFESTYLE : 4 Big Marriage Mistakes That Can Push Your Spouse Away

Hi One of the most puzzling human experiences
is the universal inability to clearly
communicate with one another.
Amazon has 854,433 books on the topic of
communication, so obviously
miscommunication is not due to a lack of
information. Rather, miscommunication is due
to lack of implementation. Communication is
an art, a discipline, a technique to be learned,
and a skill to develop — and it requires
ongoing practice while in a relationship.
There’s always room for improvement and
growth.

#1. You try to please him/
her too much.
If you’re too agreeable in the beginning, you’ll
resent him in the end. During the beginning
stages of a relationship, women who have the
tendency to be pleasers will gloss over issues
and comply to their partner’s whims and
wishes without consideration of their own
desires and dreams.
The eventual result of avoiding conflict is
bitterness, disappointment and deep-seated
anger. At some point in the future you will
erupt — much to the surprise of your partner!
If this is you, voice your desires and concerns
to your husband or wife. It’s never too late to
start.
#2. You make assumptions.
Misunderstandings arise when one partner
formulates a presumption about the other’s
point of view. Whether based on past history
or unresolved issues, being presumptuous can
be a real mood-killer.
Instead of trying to anticipate what he’ll say,
try to consider what your partner is actually
trying to say before you leap into fixing
things.
#3. You’re ignoring him/her.
All communication stems from a deep desire
to connect to each other. When an attempt to
connect is ignored or returned with harshness,
this results in what John Gottman, a
psychologist and researcher from the
University of Washington, calls "rejected
bids".
According to Gottman, rejected bids may be
one reason for marital conflict. Humanity has
a deep desire to connect, and we reach out to
offer a "bid" of connection, and then the "bid"
is either accepted or rejected. Humans need
85 percent of accepted bids in order to feel
connected.
Do you ignore bids of connection because
you’re distracted by smartphones, iPads, and
other electronics? How do you respond to the
bids? With warmth and a smile or with a sneer
and a smirk?
#4. You’re not saying what
you mean.
What we say and what we hear affects the
neural pathways of our brains. We are wired to
be in alignment and to have congruence: This
means that everything we see, do, hear, feel
and know must be true in mind, body, spirit. If
what we say isn’t congruent with how we feel,
it will confuse those around us and eventually
confuse ourselves.
Try this experiment: Put your face into an
angry expression, clench your teeth and jaw
and say, "I am so happy." Hard to do, right?
Now reverse your expression. Smile with your
eyes and mouth and say, "I am so angry".
Your brain is saying to you, "This does not
compute; your words and expression do not
match." Some people have actually confused
their brain because they walk around with
smiles that don’t match their negative
feelings.