The term “burnout" means experiencing
exhaustion, dwindling motivation, and a loss
of interest in something that formerly engaged
you. We usually apply this term to working
environments, but burnout can easily happen
to people in their love lives — and often for the
same reasons it happens in their work lives.
At work, burnout usually occurs when you
start to feel like you’re working too hard for
the results that are being produced. It’s not
just the long hours or the slow progress — it
tends to be the combination of both that
makes you start hating what you are doing.
When you feel like you’re working as hard as
you can but you're getting nowhere, feelings
of frustration, pessimism and exhaustion are
only natural.
This happens in our personal lives and our
romantic relationships too. Relationships that
are on the decline can become as demanding
and taxing as a full-time job. If we worked
exceedingly hard to make the relationship
work and it still fails, the period of singledom
that follows your breakup is often riddled with
signs of burnout.
Here are five ways to spot relationship
burnout:
#1. You think dating sounds awful.
After a breakup, some people can't wait to get
back into the dating scene, but some feel
indifferent to dating for a longer period of
time. These are all relatively positive reactions
to being single again. But if you have a strong
negative reaction to the idea of going on a
date for a significant period of time post-
breakup, that’s an indication of relationship
burnout.
#2. You don't find it fun to look for
someone new.
Most people find actively seeking dates (such
as online dating) stressful, but what about
meeting a potential person organically? What
if you meet someone you’d normally be
interested in through work or through a friend?
If even the idea of meeting someone right now
sounds dreadful, you're probably burned out in
the relationship department.
#3. You feel emotionally exhausted.
After a breakup, it's pretty common to feel
emotionally stressed — especially if you lived
together and it took a while to get things
separated again. But there’s a particular type
of exhaustion that indicates relationship
burnout: a complete lack of emotional energy.
If you find it hard to have an emotional
reaction to anything — even small, positive
things like jokes and laughter — your
emotional reserves may be completely
depleted.
#4. You can only remember the bad
parts of your past relationships.
Typically, when you leave a job to move on to
another opportunity, you tend to remember
your previous job holistically — the good parts
as well as the bad. But if you quit your job
because you're completely burned out, all you
can remember are the stressful and
overwhelming parts of your job.
If you can only remember the fights you had
with your former partner and not much else,
the negative energy of the breakup is still very
much with you.
#5. You feel cynical or pessimistic
about love.
Do you imagine that if you got into another
relationship, it would be doomed to fail? Do
you secretly believe that people in love are
fools? This type of disillusionment about love,
in general, is an unfortunate consequence of
relationship burnout.
If you notice any of these signs in yourself, it
may be time to recognize the role of
relationship burnout in your life.
Fortunately, there are things you can do to make
this period of your life easier and move past it:
#1. Give your previous relationship
time to make sense.
When you eventually become able to look
back on a relationship and see the lessons it
taught you, the relationship — no matter how
bad — will start to hold a meaningful place in
your life. Did the breakup make you stronger?
Did it teach you more about what you need in
a partner? Understanding these lessons will
help you heal and prepare for your next
relationship.
#2. Be upfront with any potential
partners.
If you’re not ready to jump in to another
relationship, you’re not ready. Even if
someone great comes along, there’s a good
chance it won’t turn into lasting love if you’re
still in the throes of relationship burnout. Have
fun and meet people, but be upfront about not
looking for anything serious.
#3. Give yourself permission not to
be interested.
Many newly single people feel great internal
and (often) external pressure to “get back out
there.” But if you’re genuinely not interested in
being in a relationship, give yourself
permission to be alone. This may very well be
your intuition telling you it’s time to reconnect
with yourself.
#4. Spark interest somewhere else in
your life.
If you’re going to disengage from the dating
and relationship world for a while, be sure to
cultivate passion and interest somewhere else
in your life. What have you been longing to
try? What gives you that spark of energy
you've been missing? These are the pursuits
that will, with time, draw you fully out of
relationship burnout.
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